small cypress

on making and abandoning systems

I am a chronic systems-maker. I'm a casual Cal Newport reader. An ex-user of Notion, Habitica, and most recently, Finch. I generally stick to my systems for months or years at a time, and I made a page about my systems here.

Every one of the systems on that page has been abandoned in the last few months after using them for years. I went from being self-employed, with four gigs and a fragile, new sobriety, to working one job and five years without alcohol. I am now feeling like I can take some training wheels off and make space for new ways of organizing my life.

I find I make or re-visit systems for two reasons:

Ava's post you can stick with it does a beautiful job describing that first point:

Trying out new tools and things is generally cool and I love reading the hands-on experiences, but in this case, I just see people running through things anxiously with no direction seeming stressed and sad.

Everything is about feeling. “Feeling right” “feeling light” “feeling in control” “feeling effortless”. Why don’t you see it through for once? Why can’t you decide on a tool and stick with it for a year or more? Switching the tool or hoster won’t suddenly give you more time, more discipline, more fun writing, like your own thoughts more etc. and if it does, it’s likely just temporary because it’s shiny and new. A few weeks down the line and you’re back where you started.

I’m saying all this with love and care. Looking on from the outside, you always manage to ruin it for yourself. You’ll spend more time setting it up than using it, you’ll develop specific shortcuts and code pieces and elaborate workflows to do this minuscule, unimportant little thing you somehow obsessively set your mind on. You’ll install 50 extensions and themes to personalize. You’ll create 26 pages for different stuff. You create 5 different blogs for each part of your life. A week later, you wonder why it’s so damn hard and annoying to use, and why writing in it or keeping all of it updated is a huge time commitment and there’s a mental barrier to doing it. You’re self-sabotaging.

She describes my systems-making in early sobriety to a T. I was making Notion dashboards I had no time to use. I was tracking stuff that didn't matter. I also clung to my systems, like one was going to be the One True Way to keep my life from falling apart. I'm not sure I was totally wrong - I think they kind of duct-taped my life together, even if a lot of my systems-making was frivolous or even stressing me out.

On that second point - creating systems can feel really healthy for me. It helps me build momentum. Drawing designs for my journal spreads feels like making a shrine to my aspirational self. These days, I keep all my habits I'm tracking in a monthly journal spread that flexes and changes each month. I make it pretty like I did in Notion. I pare it down to just a few things, so that I actually stick with them. If I have a new project I draw up a new page and make myself some checkboxes. It's all pen and paper and it can't be enshittified or scraped for AI. Here's a glimpse at it from this winter:

Sometimes I think about finally getting 11ty or Jekyll to run this blog, but when I think about it I realize that's a way for me to procrastinate from just doing the thing. I am sticking with these two tools - my journal and this blog - and just trying to be my aspirational self.

I make cookies for the function because I want to be someone who makes cookies for the function. I show up for the mutual aid planning meeting because I want to be someone who shows up. I work out because I want to be someone who works out. The thing itself is not always fun (but it usually is once I do it) but as I age, I see how my actions compound into who I am.